weeve.org

I get it now, I’m Jacob and that’s all I’ll ever be
Give me this moment to fully experience my self-made misery
I know I was warned but I was a fool to think it would end happily
Just let me go and it will be alright
An avalanche of pain and I’ll fade into the night
When you see the morning sun I’ll be well on my way
Let its rays wash your worries away.

Why do you chose to prolong your misery
And refuse to see the beauty that is so clear to me
I know you’ve had your hardships, heartache and heartbreak
But don’t let the negatives rule all the decisions you make
I know you think my compliments are skewed by my feelings for you
But they are the truth no matter what colored lenses you see through
So please take the time to see you as I do
Your own view of you sometimes involves colored lenses too
Believe me when I say that the image I have of you
Is solely based on the picture you drew
You’re not an answer penciled into a Madlib
And this is not a simple attempt to be glib
I had no preconceptions at the outset
And I have no intention to change that mindset
I won’t claim it will be easy, nothing worth having ever is
But my friend, my confidant, what I see is this:

You are smart
You do everything with your whole heart
You care about helping others, even at the expense of yourself
You’re not afraid to speak your mind when it counts
You’re quick to apologize if you think you’re wrong
You have a beauty of body, spirit and mind; a rare flower that isn’t of the  conventional kind
You have an infectious, joyous spirit when you sing

A long time it’s been since I’ve dreamed of you
Buy my heart’s venturing down this road again
You feel asleep on my chest
I wrapped you in my arms
And when your hand curled to hold my wrist
I never wanted to wake up
The feeling of togetherness was complete
So peaceful and so sweet
And while I know it will probably never come to pass
I can’t shake this feeling

I’ve waited too long
And now the sun is setting
The chill of the evening wind
Reminds me of what I should not be forgetting
The glare of the setting sun
Is nothing compared to your eyes
Your brash admonishment a reminder
Of where my path lies
The direction of this fate
Is one I don’t want to contemplate

Tell me what’s my worth in this world
Because tonight I just can’t see it
I can give you the best advice in the world
But for some reason I just can’t heed it
They say you can be what you want in this world
I’ve tried but I’ll never be it
All I ever wanted was to be in love
But it’s clear I’ll never achieve it.

Duality, causality, an infinite abyss
How much acreage does this come with
So many parallels the lines just blur
Left wondering where traces of one’s self once were
A handshake, a heartbreak, a path to tomorrow
Pointillism paintings on canvas we borrowed
Too much of this, not enough of that
Machine-gun reasoning: rat-a-tat-tat-tat

I’m doing it
Because I can’t stand this anymore
I’m doing it
Because  I have to believe there is something to live for
I’m embracing today
And I’ll embrace tomorrow
And every day that follows
I’ve been in your shadow far too long
Now I need to find where my sense of self belongs
I need to stop listening to your voice
Which tells me to wait for another day
Which finds faults in almost every way
Which does all it can to keep me this way.

What is it about night in the city
That seems so transforming
The lights
The bustle
Will its lure transplant your meager dreams
So much empty importance conveyed by LCD screens
Concrete constructs with their paint pealing
Starbright signs casting their master’s message
Automobiles as automatic as their aviators
Sickly sweet swirls of newness and decay
But yet it still makes you feel
As if it could make things more real
Like the last realization as the old falls to the new
Remade like a movie you could be too

Goodbye romantic love
You’ve caused me nothing but pain
Brief delusions of happiness
Then returned yet again
To this sad and tired refrain
If you believe in a deity
Can you ask them for me
What did we do
To deserve this torture and misery

Ella Fitzgerald, save me
Your voice is like being wrapped in a sea of tranquility
With notes ringing out so clear
All the problems disappear
The nuance, the passion, the gentle vibrato
With a range that never leaves that pleasing alto
Your notes resonate in my soul
And my constraint on calm loses control